Noticed Something
by YonderB
Summary: The cast of Bleach notice little oddities about the series they are in, and speak of them. Crack. Series of drabbles. Characters in each drabble listed next to the title.
1. Little girls – Ichigo, Karin

"Ichi-nii, I just noticed something."

Ichigo looked up from his manga, sprawled across the sitting-room couch, Karin sitting in front of the TV, an episode of Bleach playing on the screen.

"Yeah?" Ichigo questioned, sipping his cup of iced coffee.

"You've got a thing for little girls."

Said iced coffee then showered the couch in front of Ichigo and the carpet around it.

"WHAT THE _HELL_?!" choked our favorite little strawberry-kun.

"It's true," stated Karin with a deadpan expression. She then elaborated in answering to her older brother's shellshocked appearance.

"You look after me and Yuzu all the time, and it's affected the way you act around other young girls. Like that Rinrin, who you looked after in the filler arc, and Nel in the recent manga chapters."

Ichigo still didn't understand, but when Yuzu appeared apparently out of nowhere in front of him, all he could do was topple backwards off the arm of the couch with what sounded like a "_GHARK?!_"

((END. Drabbles rock, yo! And anyway, it's true! I've noticed it! Ichigo has a soft-spot for young girls! I think it's rather sweet, don't you? These drabbles are all crack. Not to be taken seriously.))


	2. Renji's hair – Renji, Rukia

"Renji, I've noticed something."

Renji; sitting behind his fuku-taichou desk, looked up at Rukia with bored eyes. "Watch it, you'll strain yer brain."

"That rhymes!" Rukia could not help but chirp.

Renji sighed and placed his chin in his hand, and his elbow on a half-finished document in front of him. "What is it?" he drawled.

"Your hair defies reality!" Rukia chimed.

Renji blinked.

Rukia elaborated.

"Well, you see, your hair goes up to here--" Rukia scrabbled to be beside him, and held her hand just above where Renji's red spikes got up to, pulled into it's usual style. Renji just nodded, looking at her from the corner of his eye.

"--and so, one would assume your hair would only be this long," Rukia moved her hand so it was only just past Renji's shoulder-level. Renji nodded again.

"But it _isn't_!" Rukia squawked, dismayed, throwing her arms above her head.

To prove her point, she promptly reached over and yanked his hair free of the hair-tie that was confining it, –releasing an eloquent "_HOI!_" from Renji– and the hair immediately fell to brush Renji's elbows.

"See?!" Rukia squawked again.

Renji snatched back his hair-tie and pulled his hair back into it's usual style with a huff. Curious about this epiphany, Rukia waved her arms about her head.

"Have you nothing to say?!" she wailed.

"Maybe my hair just defies the space-time-continuum or some crap like that," Renji shrugged.

"Star Trek!" Rukia squealed.

Renji blinked again.

"Mr Spock is good-looking, isn't he?" Rukia sighed dreamily.

Renji's forehead promptly met the surface of his desk with a _WHAMP_.

"Damn you, Ichigo. And damn you, Gene Roddenberry and Leonard Nimoy."

((END. Rukia has a thing for people with weird eyebrows. You just know it. These drabbles are made from things I have noticed about the bleach anime/manga. If you've noticed something a little like these, I'd be delighted to hear them.))


	3. Who's sexier – Ichigo, Hichigo

'_Hey, I've noticed something._'

Ichigo flinched at the sound of his Hollow-Self speaking to him in his head, his voice was so familiar, and yet so foreign. It sounded so real, it was strange to think that no one else could hear it.

"You have?" Ichigo ventured, knowing himself well enough to know that his Hollow-Self would not like to be ignored.

'_Chi, yeah!_' cackled the hollow in his head, Ichigo could almost feel the smirk on his white face. '_You saw it on the internet a while back, but you ignored it._'

"What was it?" Ichigo questioned, tracing the shape of a hell-butterfly in the corner of his assignment paper.

'_The fangirls think I'm sexier than you._'

Ichigo's pencil snapped and the eraser-end clattered to the floor.

((END. Because **he is.**))


	4. Her Breasts – Matsumoto, Renji, Kira

"Rangiku-san," Kira giggled in a sake-enduced euphoric haze, "i've noticed something!"

Renji, currently drinking his twelfth sake, made a sound mildly like a '_wrsfurgersht_' in answering to Kira's statement, which, in a very loose translation, basically meant that Renji thought he'd he'd heard someone say something like that before.

"What is it?" Matsumoto cheerily squealed, drunk-er-_er_ than all of them, her face a bright red, throwing her arms up in the air.

"You sometimes say that you thought your breasts nearly spilled out of your top, but," Kira paused his surprisingly well-said speech to hic, before continuing, "they never do!"

Matsumoto placed a delicate finger to her nose, her eyes wide. "Goodness, you're right!" she squawked.

Unfortunately for Renji, his eyes were so blurry that he could not see what Matsumoto did next, and just before he passed out, he could've sworn he heard Kira scream something along the lines of,

"Put them away! PLEASE! DEAR GOD, BUT THEM _AWAY!_"

((END. Got a review about Matsumoto's breasts, so, I complied. We all want to see what Kira's seeing, don't we?))


	5. Fuji's blades – Yumichika, Ikkaku

"Yumichika, I've noticed something."

Said beautiful young man, who had been preening in front of a hand-held mirror, tilted it slightly to the side, to see the bald young man, who was standing behind him.

"Really, Ikkaku?" Yumichika murmured in an uninterested tone, tilting his mirror back the way it was, before continuing to rake his fingers through his hair.

"You know your shikai?" Ikkaku continued, completely ignoring his friend, bald head glimmering angrily.

"Of course. It's mine, after all."

Aforementioned bald head glimmered just that little bit more. "It's got four blades."

"It has. What of it?"

"The original blade isn't that thick, and yet, the four blades it becomes aren't as thin as paper," Ikkaku was actually curious at this, and looked at Yumichika's back pointedly, a frown of uncertainty on his face.

Yumichika paused in his preening, his free hand curled just behind an ear, stopped in the process of tucking some locks of hair behind his ear; before a smug, yet not-so-entirely unattractive smirk came to play on Yumichika's face.

"Fujikujaku says that bewilderment is a very becoming look on you, Ikkaku!" Yumichika chirped, before he promptly flounced around a corner and out of sight.

Ikkaku blinked, and it took a moment to settle in.

"OI! YUMICHIKA! GET YOUR PRETTY-BOY ASS BACK HERE, _NOW!_"

"Ara! Did you just call me pretty?"

"LIKE HELL I DID! HEY! TELL YOUR FRIGGIN FUJIKUJA--"

"You _did_ call me pretty! Oh, Ikkaku! I never knew you felt that way about me! I'm so _flattered!_"

"SCREW THIS SHIT! _BAN KAI!_"

"It's all smoke and mirrors, Ikkaku! You should-- _Whoopsie!_ That was close!"

"_STOP MOVING_, DAMMIT!"

"Toodles!"

"GET BACK HERE, FUCKER!"

"Again, I'm flattered, Ikkaku!"

((END. Got one about Yumichika's Fujikujaku's blades, so, I did this! I like the Ikkaku X Yumichika pairing, if this drabble didn't show that enough.))


	6. Tosen's hair – Tosen, Komamura

"... Tosen, I've noticed something."

Tosen tilted his head to the side, mildly unnerved at the soundless appearance of Komamura, who he felt shift slightly in the ankle-lenth grass around him.

"Oh? What is it, Komamura?" Tosen queried politely, bowing his head toward his old friend's gravestone which stood silently before him.

The taller man said nothing, but Tosen heard Komamura's fur rustle slightly in the soft breeze that floated across them both.

"Your hair," murmured the fox-like captain.

Tosen rose his head slightly in questioning. Komamura cleared his throat, but ploughed on.

"Your hair, is... always very intricately-braided," he murmured, his deep voice rumbling, "Yet, you are..."

"Blind, yes." Tosen finished for him.

Komamura was clearly stumped.

"I get someone to do it for me," Tosen stated clearly. "Once every morning."

Komamura glanced about the hill, his golden eyes slightly widened as he could've sworn he heard a singsong voice call '_I feel pretty, oh so pretty!_'

"Who?" Komamura gulped, not sure if he'd like the answer.

"Kuchiki-taichou, of course," Tosen huffed, almost sounding offended.

Komamura gaped openly.

'_So pretty! So witty! and GAY!_'

((END. Please don't hurt me. That song just... APPEARED there! It's not my fault! Got a review about Tosen's hair, and I just thought that someone who has hair as pretty as Byakuya, would help him. Anyway, this is hardly as funny as my other ones. More to come.))


	7. Mummy's Boy – Ichigo, Matsumoto

"Ichigo! I've noticed something!"

Ichigo's back stiffened as he hunched over his homework, glaring a burning hole into the quadratic equations. "What, Rangiku?" He paused. "And, what the _hell_ are you doing in my room?"

Matsumoto cheerily squeezed the boy's shoulders, a bright grin on her face. "Your door was open!" she chirped.

Ichigo whacked his forehead against question two. "What did you come here for?"

"I noticed something!" Matsumoto repeated proudly.

A grunt of questioning was all she got from the teen.

Rangiku apparently thought that sounded like '_goodness, really, Matsumoto Rangiku-san? I would be delighted to hear it, because my boring teenaged life is clearly not as screwed up as I'd like it to be, so, please! Babble your heart out and completely ignore my complete and utter irritation in having a woman with unbelievably large breasts in my room!_'.

"I look like your mummy!"

Ichigo stared, wide-eyed, at the blurry words of his textbook that were mere millimeters from his eyeballs.

"Say what, now?" croaked Ichigo.

"I look like your mum!" Matsumoto repeated, bouncing up ad down on the balls of her feet.

Ichigo finally straitened up and turned, staring, at the vice-captain. After a moment, he finally mumbled "yeah, I suppose you look a little like her. Not much, though... Especially with those." He jabbed a finger in Rangiku's general direction.

Matsumoto brightened, patting her breasts. "I know. But, a woman's breasts swell with milk when they're pregnant!"

Ichigo's eyes immediately snapped shut, willing away the unwanted mental image.

Finally, all he could mutter before he quickly shuffled out of the room was "you are not my mother. _Period_."

((END. I got a review about Matsumoto looking like Ichigo's mother. I didn't really agree at the time, but eventually I thought she did a little. So, this clicked in my head, and I wrote it. Hope you like it.))


	8. Her Height – Kenpachi, Yachiru

"I've noticed something!"

The altogether frightening captain of the eleventh squad looked down thoughtfully at his vice-captain at her delighted statement. Yachiru beamed up at her beloved 'Ken-chan' and tucked her hands behind her back.

Kenpachi gave a grunt. In 'ken-chan-language', that basically meant '_the fuck you goin' on 'bout?_'

Yachiru rose a hand and gave her Ken-chan a quick poke in the tummy. "I should be about half your size!" She chirped. "But, I'm not."

Kenpachi thought about it; in their profiles, it said that he was two-hundred and two centimetres, and Yachiru was one-hundred and nine. True, she _should_ be around half his height.

Slapping his hand on top of Yachiru's bubble-gum-pink head, Kenpachi lead her closer to him, so he could check her height. Yachiru let out a delighted giggle and wrapped her arms around one of his legs and buried her nose in his hip.

From where his hand was placed on Yachiru's head, Kenpachi saw that the girl was a few inches short of his navel.

She seemed to be around half his size, but, when she was standing beside him, it didn't seem like that to other people. Odd.

After a moment, Kenpachi found the answer;

Other people's brains were fucked up.

End of story.

"Wanna go visit, Icchy?"

"Sure."

Twelve minutes later, a blur of black and orange sped through the Court Of Pure Souls, screaming something about life –and death– being unfair, give or take a few obscene words.

((END. Thought I'd come back to this fic. Thanks for all the reviews, by the way! You're keeping me busy! Merged two reviews with this one, but, hell. Kenpachi and Yachiru delight me, so, it doesn't matter. I've done another drabble from another person's review, but, I like to post things in order, so, you might have to wait a day or two while I write and post the one before it. Anyway, hope you all liked this one!))


	9. Time Paradox – most of them, The Doctor

"I've noticed something... very weird."

Ishida stood authoritatively before a handful or two of the cast of Bleach –who were sitting and standing around a small line of smooshy armchairs– as though he was Sherlock and it was that oh-so-very-important 'pointing-the-finger scene'.

"Really?" questioned Rukia, sitting on a flowery recliner, Renji sitting on the arm of it, Ichigo sprawled across on a thickly-padded leather couch beside them.

Ishida nodded, glancing almost _accusingly_ around at them all.

"Kuchiki-san is around one-hundred and fifty, yes?" Ishida started, the people around him nodding.

Ishida ploughed on, pushing his twinkling glasses up his nose in an authoritative manner. "She graduated from shinigami academy around ten-or-so years ago –I'm just guessing, it didn't say anything on her wikipedia page– and she killed Kaien-dono around that time, yes?"

Rukia sniffed in answering and Renji patted her head.

"And she brought Kaien-dono's body back to Ganju and his family after," Ganju stood a step behind and to the side of the bright red throne his sister had her luxurious bottom upon, and listened intently, a frown upon his face, wondering where this was going.

"But," Ishida continued, raising a long finger. "In Ganju's flashback, he was but a child then, and Rukia looked the same age she does now... Rukia now looks the same age as she did then, but, Ganju looks quite a lot older than her."

The body of the handful or two of the Bleach cast blinked in unison.

"It's a time-paradox," Ishida stated proudly.

Quite suddenly, there was a loud _BANG_ and a man with fly-away curly red hair and wearing a multi-coloured scarf that seemed to be around forty sizes too big pranced into the room, though a door that wasn't there a second ago. At his heels was a boxy, metal, dog-shaped robot and a pretty young lady with platinum-blonde hair.

Skidding to a halt beside Ishida with more flamboyant poise than a woeful flamingo at sunset, the man beamed at them all with shiny white teeth.

"'The hell are you?" Renji snapped.

"I am The Doctor!" chirped the man, seeming quite delighted. "And this is K9, and this is Romana, and that's Rukia, and that young fellow is Ganju, and who might you all be? Would you like a jelly-baby?"

The body of Bleach characters blinked, before Ichigo stuck out his his hand for one of the sweets. The Doctor handed Ichigo a few of the multicoloured treats, before turning to a baffled-looking Ishida.

"Oh, don't mind me," chuckled the Doctor, waving a hand. "Do continue your conversation."

K9 beeped thoughtfully from behind the Doctor's knee and Romana settled herself upon a nicely embroidered piano-chair.

There was a moment of silence, then Ishida opened his mouth, before, quite suddenly, the Doctor let out a triumphant cry and clapped his hands together –startling all of the Bleach characters– as though he'd just figured out the meaning of the universe.

"What is it, Doctor?" questioned Romana with a smile.

"I just figured out the meaning of the universe!" crowed the Doctor by complete coincidence, before promptly turning heel and zooming back out whence he came with a delighted whoop, Romana and K9 on his heels once again.

There was a moment of surprised silence, before the Doctor's head appeared in the doorway again.

"Continue your conversation, friends! I'll probably be back later –or earlier–; something's come up." The Doctor paused, before correcting himself. "Three things have come up, two things down, and a big, one-eyed sentient shoe with a broken heart."

The Doctor's head promptly withdrew, but not before flashing the Bleach characters a bright grin and a cheery wave.

A ringing silence followed the Doctor's exit, before Ichigo blinked, chewing thoughtfully on a yellow jelly-baby.

"How come he knew Rukia and Ganju's names?"

The two mentioned just twiddled their thumbs and stayed appropriately silent.

((END. This is a christmas present for everyone who reads this weird little fic, and especially for any of you who are Doctor Who fans. I was on a Doctor Who high while I wrote this, and, I'd love to hear if I got the Fourth Doctor's attitude right. I saw the words 'time paradox' in the review, and this just clicked. I hope you liked it!))


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